We're still here

We're still here, hanging out at the hospital. It's not where I want to be this time of year. I read FaceBook and other's blogs and how busy everyone is and I'm jealous. I want to be rushing around wrapping, baking, enjoying my decorations. But instead I am rushing around here and for this year that will have to be ok.

Progress is slow. Mic's bilirubins have been high the last 3 days (day 1- 16.7, day 2- 13.9, day 3 17) so he has to be on the lights. We are able to hold him for 1/2 hour every 3 hours. So, we go and change his diaper, take his temp, etc... then spend 30 wonderful minutes holding him against our bare skin. He is healthier during those 30 minutes than he is during any other time. The Dr. is amazed at what a different kid he is during that time. He is still on high flow oxygen so he is not allowed to eat yet. Every 3 hours they give him a tiny amount of my pumped milk through a feeding tube (7ml first day, up to 20 ml's today) that goes directly to his stomach. This helps keep his "gut" working so he will be prepared for when he does eat. Today his oxygen is down to 2 Liters/hour so that is an improvement that we are thrilled about. I'm still hoping he comes home for Christmas but am trying to be realistic with the idea that it may (probably) not happen, but these babies can change fast, so it could.

A lot of people have said "oh good, you can get rest while they take care of him." I wish it worked like that, but it really doesn't. I'm just as exhausted as I would be if he was at home, possibly (probably) more. Doing his "cares" and cuddles take about 1 hour at least- but I LOVE this time. Then I have 2 hours before returning. In this time I have to pump and try to take care of myself (things like eat and shower) if I'm lucky I can fit in a little bit of time to sleep. This goes on 24 hours a day. Today Doug was here for 2 of the cuddles and cares so I actually took some extended time to clean up and nap. Not to mention a quick run to Old Navy for a new fleece zip up shirt (easiest for cuddles) because of some projectile poop that we won't mention. It was great to be able to sleep and not have to worry about waking at a certain time. I woke when my body told me it was time to pump, so a couple of hours.

Doug has been incredible! Sharing his time between here and home. Trying to support me, and with the help of others, hold down the fort at home. I know he's torn about where to be but he's doing a great job of being everywhere. Thanks to those who have helped so much with the kids so he can be here with me- I appreciate it much!

The kids have been able to peek in a window twice and see Mic for a couple of minutes. He is not by a window so we have to make arrangments but it's worked out a couple of times. The kids (especially Katie) are really disappointed that Mic is not home but I keep trying to convince them to just pretend that he's just in tummy since that's where he is suppose to be anyway. They aren't falling for it. I know that in a month we'll forget that we missed this time and he will be a normal part of our lives, we're all looking forward to that time!