Happy Birthday Bevan!

I love this little studious face, when Bevan is trying to figure something out.

I can hardly believe my little boy is three years old already! Time sure does fly when you're having fun and Bevan brings so much fun to our lives! Bevan can always make me laugh, whether he's being a scary T-rex or a pirate or batman or singing the alphabet song he is so happy.

Now that Bevan is turning three he thinks he needs to be a little more independent, sometimes that's hard for mom to handle. I would love to keep him little forever. Having a boy is more fun than I could ever imagine it would be. Every stick he finds is a sword or a gun or some other fighting device. He love fire engines, police cars and helicopters. All those things girls never thought about. We call him our "stinky little boy" and that he surely is. He loves to be outside and will often go out before we get his bum changed and clothes on. The sand pile is his home. Bevan is also a tease, the other day he locked his friend in our outside playhouse. He wasn't being mean, just a tease, but his friend sure didn't enjoy it! I guess he is definitely related to his grandpas!

At the same time I can't help but think about the rough start he had when he was born. Maybe it was because of that first trip on the life flight helicopter to Primary Children's that he loves helicopters so much. Our lives are forever changed because of our beautiful little Bevan and we are grateful! We love you Bevan!!!

Today was a perfect day!

I made Doug take this picture of us because when I posted our "anniversary" post the most recent picture I could find of us together was 2 years ago- not good!

Wow! These days don't come around too often. But I love them when they do! Since Monday was our anniversary and we've had such a crazy last few months and Doug is going back to his crazy work schedule on Tuesday we decided that we needed to "run away". We took off yesterday as soon as the girls got home from school (I love that Katie is getting old enough we can leave her in charge for a couple of hours) and went to the movie "Angels & Demons". Great movie, a little violent but very intriguing! Grandma Meikle came and got the kids and they had their own fun. After the movie we went to Dinner at the Bluebird- it used to be one of our favorites but it's been a long time since we have been there. We still love their prime rib! I will never forget that was where we went to eat the night before Katie was born. I still have great memories of that night together, we knew it was our last night as "just us" and we made the most of it! (but that's another post...) Then we drove up the canyon to Beaver Creek Lodge. What a beautiful canyon! We spent the night relaxing and reading and enjoying the beautiful scenery.

We slept in (well, kind of, after we woke up at 5:00 then I went back to sleep at 7:00- what's up with that!?!) and then got ready and went on a short hike to the Limber Pine. The Limber Pine is a HUGE tree that is thought to be over 550 years old. There were beautiful flowers (lots of different kinds) and still big piles of snow. We had such a great time enjoying the smells and sights. We then drove down to Bear Lake where we browsed the gift shops (I found furniture I really wanted for my front porch, but I resisted and didn't buy it even though it was a good price) and dinner at Hometown Cafe and then drove home through Strawberry/Emigration canyon. It was soooo beautiful! I love those little farming communities. I saw many people out talking over their gardens and farmers chatting it up. It took me to a slower, simpler time. We stopped at the Preston cemetery and picked up our vase and the color bowl (we hope it's what Carol left) off of the Austin's graves. I love that little cemetery and I love those people who are buried in those graves- great memories!

We got home and I did a foot zone and Doug went over to work on my mom's add-on. After the zone we got ready for Bevan's birthday party. Katie was such a terrific helper! These are the days that make me so grateful for what a great little girl she is! We had a wonderful birthday party, but I'll put that in another post. Thank goodness for these kinds of days. They remind me how wonderful life is and give me a deep feeling that things are "good".

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 14th anniversary. I can barely believe it's been that many years. It's been wonderful! Not all the times have been good, but there is no one I would rather share them with than Doug. He is a great man. And for me, he is probably the perfect man. No one else would humor me through my hair brained ideas or calm me down or love me quite the way he does.

Doug was working all day today but he got off a little early so he was home early enough that we were able to go have a nice, relaxing dinner followed by walk through the cemetery. Some people might think that's morbid, but I love it. I wish people's stories were written on their gravestones there are so many I wonder about.

Thanks Doug and happy anniversary! I'm looking forward to many more!

Job

Well, my husband has a job. (good thing) But it's 12 hours a day, 7 days per week. (Bad hours- good money) And it's an hour away (bad- will his truck make it?) It's only temporary (good because how long can you keep up those hours? Bad because what after that?) My life is one of much confusion! :)

I just get to hold down the fort while Doug goes and faces this work. I think he might actually be a little excited about it! I don't know that I can even say enough about men (especially my man). He tenderly comforts me, crys with me and then faces the world with courage and fortitude. The sacrifices men make for their families...

Normally, watching Bevan play outside brings me more joy than just about anything else. Today as I watch him look for someone to play with and want me to teeter totter with him, I feel sadness. So sad that there isn't going to be that little brother to play with anytime soon. He doesn't know what he's missing (and going to be missing) but I do and my heart hurts.

UGH!

So, Doug's back to being unemployed. I guess HAFB wouldn't give clearance to any of the workers CVE needed because they can only have a certain number of civilians on base and that would put them over the number. UGH! I'm trying to be positive, but I'm not doing very well. I'm tired. That's all there is to it, tired. Tired of the fight, tired! Thankfully tomorrow is another day and I have 6 zone appointments...

He's got a job!

Hooray! Doug is back at work today! He got a phone call last Friday and was offered a couple of different jobs. He took the closest one, it's still about an hour away, but we can deal! He's working for Cache Valley Electric and were hoping this is a VERY long term thing. CVE is much bigger than TEC was so that usually means more work. I do have to admit, that as happy as I am to have him back at work and (hopefully) bringing home a paycheck, I'm already missing him. It was really nice having him around to help with the kids and Bevan loved to play with him. And a lot of mornings Doug would even make breakfast. Yup, I miss those things already, but I REALLY just miss Doug! The first week (after he was laid off) it was hard to get used to him being around all the time, but I did get used to it, and I learned to love it! It was nice to "reconnect" with this great man who I married. And with me being so sick and with everything else that has happened it was wonderful to have him home. Hmmm, maybe the Lord does know what he's doing...

Burial Gown

Today was a difficult Mother's Day and Alesa blessed her darling new baby, Ian today. So, maybe I am indulging my sorrow or maybe I just felt the need to share...

A new friend, Heather, who is one of Holly's friends, designed and crocheted this beautiful little gown for our little baby to be buried in. She was gracious and did it in less than a day. It meant so much to me to be able to have this for him. Thank you Heather! You did something that brought a little more peace to this mother's heart.

Finding Joy

This is our one and only chance at life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now.” - Thomas S. Monson

We are working on this everyday...

Young Women Activity

Last night we had a very fun Young Women activity. In January the young women were all assigned an older sister to have as their adopted "grandma". They were suppose to do secret kind things for them then last night we all got together and revealed who the granddaughters were. We played the "Three truths and a lie" game and ate a yummy dinner. It was such a fun activity and so fun to see the older ladies interact and love the younger girls. Hopefully the younger girls also learned to love their "grandmas". The "grandmas" loved getting the little notes and cookies and other nice things. We even had some say "they always seemed to come on the days that I really needed them!" I hope everyone enjoyed this as much as I did!

Graveside Service

So, Saturday was the graveside service for our little Steven. It was a very rainy day- Doug thought it was perfect for a funeral- I thought it felt like a bad movie. (Have any of you ever seen the movie "Firehouse Dog"- there is a great graveside service scene in that movie.)
This casket was actually way too big, Steven was only 6 3/4" long. I did the flowers for the casket, I actually bought a few tulips, pussy willows and greenery everything else I picked. I got the forsythia from our neighbors tree, the tulips from my mom's yard and the grape hyacinth from our yard. I did take the Button Mums from an arrangement some one gave to us. I loved the button mums because I really wanted to use dandelions (the seem appropriate for a little boy) but I knew they would die, so the button mums look very similar and I decided they were the "next best thing." The big beautiful arrangement was from "Our friends in the 20th Ward" but I think our bishop and his wife actually bought them. The white tulips were from Karen & Jannalyn and there is also an arrangement with white callas (can't be seen) from Shauntel Anderson.

We had a lot of support, way more than I expected. A lot of friends from our ward and friends and of course family. Thank you to everyone who came and who helped! We were so touched and felt so loved! Thanks also to everyone who couldn't make it and for sending us well wishes.

This is a really bad picture of me, ah well, it is what it is, but Maddie looks so cute!

My mom, Juli (sil), Travis (hiding) and Marlene Thorpe (my mom's good friend and she's known me since I was tiny)

A quick run down of the service (once I get the CD of it I may type up a transcript because I print out my blog yearly and I want a copy of it but for today this will do.) First of all, I have to say that one of my favorite things about the graveside service was Bevan. He was so full of life and he had his blue monster umbrella and was walking around acting and growling like a monster. Loved it! It reminded me that life goes on and there will be happiness down the road. I wish so bad we had a picture of Bevan!

Like I said, it was rainy, so in the beginning, it felt a little disorganized, we were all just trying to stay dry and warm. Anyway, our bishop Neal Dewey conducted the service and we started by singing "I Feel My Savior's Love"(three beautiful verses) and then Alesa said the opening prayer. Bishop Dewey then spoke, we asked him to speak about families and temples, I think he did just that. Then because I was still holding it together, I bore my testimony. Don't remember a lot of what I said other than (and this is what was most important) "We don't know why our little baby isn't with us right now, but it doesn't matter, because we know we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and he wants what is best for us." At least I think I said that- that's what I wanted to say. I also shared a quote I had heard from Elder Maxwell; "Having faith in the Lord means having faith in His time." The quote was something like that... Then Katie sang "Families Can Be Together Forever", it was absolutely beautiful! She really has an amazing voice! She had been crying quite hard just before singing and I was worried about her, but she said she could do it and she did! Her voice was so clear and strong! I was so proud of her! Then Doug dedicated the grave. That was the end.

We mingled for a couple of minutes and then our family met at the church for a lunch. Our Relief Society president, JayLynn Lewis and our compassionate service leader, Marcia Thompson, put the lunch together and Carol provided French Dip. It was yummy! Although there were no "Funeral potatoes"... ;)

Something I've been thinking about

I know I've had a lot of questions about how the graveside service went. Hopefully I can post all about that soon. I'm too tired right now. But there is something I've been thinking about a whole bunch and I want to share.

A few weeks ago I was thinking that Doug and I had been through just about everything in the years we'd been married. I thought; "About the only thing we haven't been through together is to bury a child and I sure hope that is not something we ever have to go through." (I figure one day we are going to have to bury one of us but unfortunately we can't go through that together.) Well, little did I know that in just a few short weeks we would be doing just that. Last night as Doug and I were talking I said to him; "I'm sorry we have to go through this. But I'm so glad we have each other to go through it with." I've been thinking about that a lot. No one else knows exactly what we've been through the last 10 days except for us. We've seen the bad together and felt the physical & emotional pain and we've also felt the good and the peace together. No one else knows the hopes and dreams we tied up in this little baby. I know that at times like this often couples grow apart. I pray that doesn't happen to us. So far we are growing closer together and I hope that by leaning on each other and having patience with each other that closeness will grow. I love you Doug! I am looking forward to the rest of eternity together!

Tavaci

It was that time again, the spring Tavaci concert. I love Tavaci! I dare you to go to these concerts and not laugh! Just what we needed, a break from the sadness. The kids are so cute and the songs are great. This year there was a wide variety most of them songs from movies, including Hairspray where all the girls wore Hairspray wigs. Katie even had a small solo in "All For One". She has a such a beautiful voice (she got it from me- that's why my voice is so bad- she took it! hee, hee! ) We are so proud of our girls!