Giving myself permission is hard

Wow! Giving myself permission is harder than I expected it to be.

It actually started out pretty great. My first time I gave myself permission was to play Chutes & Ladders with Mick instead of cleaning my bathroom. I've resented all the things that haven't allowed me to spend that time "just being" with my kids. Today I gave myself permission to spend that time with him. Time well spent! Although it was a lesson in patience. ;)



But being aware of me and giving myself permission to feel what I feel and do what I need is difficult. The number of emotions I felt in one day was amazing. And accepting that emotions are ok is hard for me. I can accept and embrace everyone else's emotions but mine are much harder. There was happiness, love, jealousy, sadness, gratitude, frustration and anxiety. I'm sure that these are normal to feel all in one day but I'm not sure I've ever fully acknowledged these feelings. And the anxiety, oh the anxiety! I'm really putting myself out there by making this so public. That's hard. So hard.

I had just saved this post, wondering if I had the courage to put it out to the world when I heard Mick cry out from his bed. Normally I ignore him and let him put himself back to sleep. Tonight I decided to give myself permission to go love him. It made the whole day worth it! That few minutes of cuddling, hugging, whispering, kissing and smiles made every emotion and stress I felt today worth it. It truly is worth it to Live out loud!