Ahhh,

The sun came out so I got out of bed. I will update soon...

That's it!

I am going back to bed. I will get up when the rain and snow end...

Blessings

This a post I've been thinking about for quite a while. I've wanted to record it but not sure how to do it without "cheapening" the feelings and the faith I've been feeling. This has been a hard few months. There that's out there. But, overall, I've felt incredible peace and faith. I'll try to put it into words. This baby surprised us a little. I'd decided we were done- pregnancy is too hard on me and my family. I have to rely on other people to take care of my kids, my house and often even me. I also was enjoying being healthier, losing weight and exercising. I wanted to be able to run the 5k this May and run the whole thing. But, as we've seen with our other children, our babies come to us when our Heavenly Father decides that they come, not when I decide. I think knowing that truth is what has made these last few weeks easier. I know the Lord has a plan... (Sometimes I do wish he would fill me in...)

Through this experience we have been so richly blessed. Things and people have come into our lives exactly as we need them. When Doug was first laid-off we were told we would have insurance until the end of February. So, I started looking into some other options... The first of March I told Doug to just call and check on our insurance again- this time we found out that we would have insurance until the end of April. What a blessing! There are some other options after April but I am really praying that Doug is back to work before then.

Financially I think we are witnessing a miracle. Doug has never made a ton of money and with my earnings we still were not breaking even. But since Doug was laid off we have never gotten all that close to being out of money and we have not had to charge one penny. Part of this was due to some decisions we made a few months ago (probably an inspiration) and part of it is due to the fact I had a major stash of food and part is due to the fact we just have not spent any money but mostly we've had a miracle. We haven't even had to take our girls out of their extracurricular activities, although it was a serious consideration at first, we decided we want to keep their lives as normal as possible. We have been VERY diligent in paying our tithing- down to the penny. Indeed those blessing have poured out.

Our lives have been blessed by our friends and family. Just this last Friday the women that I work with in Young Women brought us "Dream Dinner" dinners. This way we have them for when I have a bad day or something else comes up. This was something that was so not necessary but so appreciated. We told the Relief Society that we were fine and did not need anything but we had a couple different ladies who happened to have extra food from big dinners they did who brought a couple of meals into us. It was so nice to not have to worry about our meals those night. Especially when nothing sounds that good to me anyway and both those meals were absolutely perfect! My mom has been amazing- helping with food, kids, bringing me slushes and even helping me clean my bedroom (we won't talk about how long that's been messy!) Alesa just happened to come up on the day I got out of the hospital and she was able to stay with my kids until we could be there (after Bevan had been shuffled around for the day) and she mopped my floor!

A few months ago I reconnected with a friend on Face Book. We didn't "talk" for a while and then last week he was stuck in an airport and we spent quite a while "chatting" (on Face Book). First of all, that helped me through a day I was feeling a little discouraged and alone. But the best thing was Doug and I were able to go to their house on Friday night for games, dinner and a bunch of laughs! What a blessing to reconnect with this dear friend after so long and to meet his wonderful wife!

And, lastly, as much as I would like Doug to be back at work I am very grateful he's been home. Things would have been much harder on me and the girls and Bevan would have been shuffled around many days instead of just one day. So, I guess even Doug being unemployed was a blessing. (But I hope that blessing ends soon!)

So, we have been so blessed, life is good. On discouraging days I pray for more faith and it comes. Thank you for your concern. I appreciate that I have so many friends who care and who want to help. We will let you know...

Details, details

Yup, you got it right, Bevan's going to be a big brother! Which means, I'm pregnant! Ugh! How does that happen? :) I'm due October 2nd, which makes me about 13 1/2 weeks along as of today.

It's already been a very long few months. I realized that I was pregnant the day before Doug got laid off- that lead to not telling him in a very good way, but that's a whole different story... Anyway, after him and I not talking about it for a few weeks, we finally decided that it's hard enough for me to get pregnant so if I was pregnant then it was meant to be. (I still hadn't taken a test, I didn't want to waste the $$ on it.) I started out with the normal tiredness and sickness I always get. We went to the Dr. had an ultrasound and everything looked good and normal. A week or so later I ended up in the emergency room with what felt like a kidney stone. They said they didn't think it was a kidney stone but a kidney infection. Because it's hard to treat while pregnant and I was throwing up they wanted to admit me to the hospital. But I cried and told them I wanted to go home so they sent me home making me promise I would see my OB and come back to the hospital if I had anymore problems. I talked to the OB the next day and they sent me for an ultrasound on my kidney. They found a large kidney stone still in my kidney. Finally, I decided I better start telling people I was pregnant- it was getting too confusing! More than a week went by and I was still really sick (couldn't hold down my drugs) and I was still in lots of pain. So, I was back at the ER. This time I was admitted into the hospital for a few days so I could have IV antibiotics, pain meds, and anti-nausea meds. A couple of days in the hospital and I was feeling a little bit better. They sent me home with 30 days of anti-biotics and told me the kidney stone was still there (by this time we'd had 5 ultra sounds, being able to see the little "cinnamon bear" on almost all them it was kind of fun to see growth from week to week). The hope is that the kidney stone stays in place until the pregnancy is over because it's so large that if it starts to move it will get stuck and there really isn't a safe way to get it out while I am pregnant. The only problem is that the stone makes me more susceptible to kidney infections. Thank goodness for Alesa (who only a few weeks after having her own baby) mopped my kitchen floor and helped with my kids, and for my mom who came running over twice while we went to the ER and spent much other time feeding and taking care of us!

Anyway, that's the long story, I'm doing better now, I still have kidney pain and probably will for a long time and I've got the normal barfing and tiredness that comes! Doug is so wonderful, he takes care of me and the kids and even cleans up when I don't make it to the toilet! (More than any husband should be expected to do!!!) In some ways I think it's been a blessing that he's not been working this last month or so, but it is probably time he goes back to work... The kids are so excited! When Katie found out she hopped around the room and Maddie asks everyday to feel the baby. Sorry, kid, ya' gotta' wait a little longer. When someone asks, Bevan says he's excited, but he really doesn't know or care. As a matter of fact I think it's gonna' be a shock when the kid comes!

Hey, everybody!

Realizations

Tonight I attended a viewing of a young man (he's my age- that's still young!) who committed suicide this last week. He left behind a BEAUTIFUL, graceful, strong wife and 4 darling children. He was a boy I grew up with; we were in the same ward when we were young, he lived around the corner from my grandparents, his grandparents lived across the street from my grandparents, in the summer we played night games with their neighborhood. We associated all through school, the last time I talked to him was shortly after he came home from his mission, he was a newly-wed. He was sick- I think it was bipolar. He fought it for the last 15 years (possibly more). I think he grew tired. I've thought about it all week, the way he died wasn't pretty, it was messy and painful, he must have hurt so bad mentally to be able to stand the physical pain he inflected. I don't want to dwell on this...

Tonight at that viewing... I felt surrounded, surrounded by people I loved, people who loved me and have for a very long time. My mom and I got there about 10 minutes after the viewing started, I was in line for 1 1/2 hours (the line would probably continue on for another couple of hours). What if he would have known all those people loved him? Those people were there for his family, but they were there because he in some way touched their lives as well. Did he know that he would be missed? Do we know what we do? Who we touch? Who we love? After I was through the viewing line I ran into a friend, a good friend, who was even a better friend to Darin, he expressed regrets at not having been in contact much with him. Lives get busy, we have our own "things"- often we lose touch, it's life. Then I saw an old primary teacher (Merrie Miss leader) from when I was 10, she moved away right after being my teacher, I haven't seen her in many, many years- she recognized me, she hugged me, I felt love from this person who helped shape me. (BTW, she and her husband drove a couple of hours to come to this viewing.) Earlier I had seen an old Young Women's leader, probably one who had more influence on me than any one else could. (One time she took me to the nursing home with her to visit her mother, just so I could look outside myself.) There was a couple there who lived by us at the condo, I've been thinking about them a lot lately, but haven't had contact with them for 7-8 years. Turns out they were his in-laws. I ran into people who knew me when I was three. This room was filled with love. Now, I know tonight wasn't about me, but I grew and I learned and I loved. The last few weeks have been some stressful weeks (that's another post), my faith was waning, I've felt discouraged and scared and alone. But, not anymore. And that's why I have to record this. It's hard to want to "put it out there", but it's important, I need to remember that there are many, many good people and good things in this world. We are all loved and we have a Heavenly Father who loves us and puts angels all around us, sometimes we have to open our eyes to them.

I wish Darin would have been able to look past his pain and see them. I know the Lord loves him, I know he has the chance to learn and grow. But I also know there is pain left behind. Maybe I know that as well as anyone. His wife was so strong and gracious, his children were tough, but there are dark, cloudy days ahead. But I also know that they will not be alone. There will be angels around them and they will come through it, and maybe they will even be better. It is up to each of us to help. I admit I will probably never see them again, but I can be on the look out for the "others", for each of us who needs an "angel" or maybe just a friend. And I can be so grateful for the people who touch my life and love me and give me the ability to love.

Ian Justin Larsen

I'm a few days late but I've still gotta' post. My newest little nephew was born on Friday, February 28th, 2009. What a fun thing! It's SO fun to be the aunt. Get to enjoy baby snuggles without all the uncomfortableness that goes along with it! I wish my siblings would have a dozen more babies!

This is Ian Justin Larsen. He weighed 8lbs 10 ozs and 20" long. He's Alesa's fattest baby, but shortest. He really doesn't look all that fat though... Alesa will have to send me the picture of me with him...

On Thurs. Doug, Bevan and I drove down to pick up flowers for the wedding I did last weekend (turned out so pretty, but of course I forgot pictures!). We stopped by Alesa's just to visit for a minute. She'd been to the Dr. that morning and had her membranes stripped. She was at a "5" so I took her hiking up the hill by her house to get those contractions moving. It seemed like it was working (although with Alesa you can't even tell, she doesn't even change her breathing during contractions) so we brought Dallin and Hailey home with us. Alesa got all ready and went to the hospital. I guess she was having contractions but not strong enough to do much and since the hospital was full they sent her home. Which actually ended up being ok because she got to sleep in her own bed and then went back about 7:30am, she was at a "7" so they kept her. Unfortunately the Doctor couldn't get away to break her water so she didn't end up having the baby until 3:30. Mom and I headed down about 1:30 because I had been given some wrong flowers and needed to trade them. Since our family isn't one who thinks you should camp out at the hospital we ended up wasting time around town until Alesa finally called (which wasn't until 5:30, btw). That's ok, Mom and I had fun together! We were able to spend a little bit of time with cute little Ian before I had to come back home and do the flowers. We kept Hailey another night and Dallin for a couple more nights- those kids did really well, Bevan did not. He's not a very nice sharer of his own things! (We will have to work on that!) Then last night (Mon.) we took the girls down to see him. How fun to have a new baby in the family!

Alesa & Ian- Don't you think anyone who looks that good after having a baby should have a whole bunch!?! Sorry about the size- I stole it off Facebook.