Thursday, January 2, 2014

Live Out Loud: Give Yourself Permission

The first one I'm working on is: Give Yourself Permission. I think this is the perfect place to start, I'm giving myself permission to be me, to feel what it is that I feel, to act how I act and be what I am. I've spent so much of my life trying to become better, to improve, that I forgot that I am a good person as I am. So, for these next few days I am giving myself permission. I've had the opportunity to spend quite a bit of time talking to a wise person the last few months, one of the things he always tells me is; "You're not super-human and you're not sub-human, you're just human and that is enough." So, I am giving myself permission to be human.
Give yourself permission. (from tinybuddha.com)
For everything. Permission to make mistakes. Permission to shine. Permission to look beautiful. Permission to accept (instead of correct or dismiss) praise. Permission to have bad days. Permission to get angry. Permission to cry, to laugh, to scream. Permission to take the day off. Permission to take a nap, go to sleep early. Permission to get a massage. Permission to do nothing. Permission to succeed.
Life is about being here now, in all your full range of emotions, mood swings, wins and losses. Give yourself permission to live out loud today.

I found a song that I love and goes along with my mission to Live out Loud:
(and yes, I will be trying to getting Katie to sing this song)
(click on the link for the you tube video of the song)
I don't wanna go along with the crowd
Don't wanna live life under a cloud
Give me some air and space
And sun on my face
I wanna live out loud

Don't wanna be alone in the crowd
Don't wanna seem peculiar and proud
I need to be as free 
As I know how to be
I wanna live out loud

Every day - sleep, walk, lock, step
No one dares to stray
Though they may - straightlaced, shamefaced
Long to break away
They're as lonely as can be
Is that what they want from me?

I don't wanna go along with the crowd
Don't wanna live life under a cloud
Give me some air and space
And sun on my face
I wanna live out loud

Don't wanna be alone in the crowd
Don't wanna seem peculiar and proud
Nobody wants me here
But I won't be disappear
I wanna live out loud

I wanna run down an open shoreline
I wanna join in a moonlit dance
I wanna swing with the branches of a tree
I wanna bathe in a hidden inlet
And let the breeze come and dry my hair
I want the life they took away from me

If they makes me headstrong - fine!
That's a fault I'm glad is mine.

I don't wanna go along with the crowd
Don't want my spirit broken and bowed
Why do I have to hide what I'm feeling inside
I wanna live out loud

Don't wanna be alone in the crowd
I only want what I'm not allowed
Give me the wings of a bird
I'll be seen and be heard

I wanna sing when my heart is full
I wanna sing and I wanna fly
I wanna soar the sky without a cloud
I wanna live out loud

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Live Out Loud!

“If you ask me what I came to do in this world, I will tell you, I came to live out LOUD.” ~Émile Zola

I've decided that I'm not making resolutions this year, I'm just going to have a "mantra". It will be what I will live my life by for 2014. The mantra I've chosen is "Live out loud".

There are many reasons I chose this mantra. Those who are very closest to me know that 2013 has possibly been the hardest year of my life. There have been many health concerns for me, a trip across country for surgery, accidents for the kids, Doug working out of town and then being laid off for almost 6 months of the year. Financial concerns, emotional breakdowns and many, many other things. This doesn't mean that all of 2013 was bad, in fact, there were wonderful, wonderful things that happened and friendships made and testimonies grown during these hard times. But the fact of the matter is, I've just survived 2013. And, honestly, I'm grateful that I can say that I survived it because there were times I was afraid I wouldn't (or possibly was afraid I would).

This year I am choosing to live with more purpose. Not a whole lot has changed. Doug is still currently unemployed, I still have some health things that are concerns, the kids are still kids (wonderful, wonderful kids, but still independent, growing individuals and all that is involved with that) and I am choosing that I am going to do more than survive this year. I am going to live this year and live it out loud!

"Live out loud" came into my mind a few weeks ago. I thought about that statement and thought about what it meant. I'm already a loud person, I don't need to be any louder. But, to me, it meant more than that. It meant to live with purpose, to be the best I can be, to no longer live in fear, to live a life full of color and beautiful noise!

I took a few minutes to Google "Live out loud" and found a beautiful post about how to get started living out loud.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/live-your-life-out-loud-30-ways-to-get-started/

This person has listed 30 ways to get started living out loud. They really connected with what I wanted to accomplish this year. I've decided that I will focus on each of those 30 things during this year. So, about every 12-13 days I will choose a new one to focus on. I won't go in order because I will do what is most important to my life at that time. But I will hit each one during 2014. My goal is to share the experiences here and on a Facebook page I plan to start. This is a little scary for me, I'm not usually this public of a person with these kind of things. But part of  living out loud is to overcome fear and live your life on purpose. I'm hoping by sharing my journey I will be held more accountable and maybe someone will find something in my attempt at living a better life to inspire them.



Tomorrow I will post which will be my first one I am working on and a few thoughts about it.

30 Ways to Get Started Living Out Loud
1. Live your life on purpose.
2. Utilize your full potential.
3. Overcome your fear.
4. Discover a new talent.
5. Honor your word.
6. Create a new habit or break an old one.
7. Pay a stranger a compliment.
8. Take yourself out on a date.
9. Take 100% responsibility for your life.
10. Live in the question.
11. Make more decisions for yourself.
12. Learn to say “No.”
13. Know your own value.
14. Give yourself permission.
15. Own your own opinion.
16. Do not punish yourself for past actions.
17. Live in the realm of “possibility” rather than “probability.”
18. Do not argue for your limitations, but instead focus on your strengths.
19. Practice gratitude.
20. Be authentic.
21. Own your own power.
22. Stop Complaining.
23. Practice “being” and have nothing to prove.
24. Be of service.
25. Love generously.
26. Find your bliss and live your passion.
27. Stop waiting.
28. Let other people off the hook.
29. Use co-creation to help you.
30. March to the beat of your own drum and stay the course.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Proud Mom Day

Being a mom is an interesting mix of emotions. On Monday I had a ROUGH day and the kids happened to get on my very last nerve, so, what did I do? I locked myself in my bathroom/closet for about 1 1/2 hour until they all went to bed. Sometimes a mom has just got to do that. Or else the kids might end up locked in a closet...

But today, today was  a sweet day as a mom.

This morning Maddie had a 5k. She's done a couple of 5k's before but she has always just gone out and run them and never trained or tried hard. This Fall she has been participating in a Kids' Running Group being run by JoAnna Sorensen. This has been a great experience for her and JoAnna says she is a natural runner- good form, etc.. Today was her reward for all her hard work. I was so happy for her! She also placed 2nd in her age group.

 
The girls in her running group.

 
Maddie & her good buddies McKaylee & Courtney

 
Getting a pep talk from the ever encouraging Adrian.

 
Waiting to start. (I love that they lined up right at the front!)

 
Gabby & Maddie, these girls have become great friends and Maddie is going to miss seeing Gabby 3 times/week.

 
Maddie, McKaylee & Courtney all placed in their age groups!



Tonight we got to go to Katie's voice recital. When I signed Katie up for voice lessons her teacher(who is quite outspoken) said that she wouldn't be singing until the recital in the Spring. After teaching her a couple of weeks, she said Katie would be singing in the Nov recital. And she had never had such an inexperienced non-trained student perform this early. I was so happy for Katie, it's good for her! She was the very youngest performer tonight, but so strong. She really is amazing! Feel free to watch her on the links below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTsAyT9nZ_E&feature=youtu.be

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4j-7KZma7XQ&feature=youtu.be

I don't share these things to brag (well, maybe just a little! ;) ) But as a mom I want so badly for my children to be self confident and to have something that they can excel at and know that they are good at it. It's been so fun for me watch these two girls find these talents and work hard at them and start to grow and develop them. I hope I have many, many more opportunities to watch them grow these talents.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Damn Kids!

Those Damn Kids! Last summer Carol suggested that we should do the Ragnar Wasatch Back together. I agreed because I thought we'd never get in or we'd never actually get it together enough to do it. The Wasatch Back is a "race" that starts in Logan and goes 197 miles to Park City. Wow! Something that I've secretly always wanted to do, but knew there was no way I would be brave enough or strong enough to do it. Until, Carol said those words; "We got a team"... What went through my mind; "Maybe this was my chance... Maybe I could do it... Maybe I am strong enough... Maybe I will die... Maybe..." I stewed and worried about it for 6 1/2 months.

I like details, remember I'm a detail person. I nagged and I bugged and I studied every leg and compared the inclines to roads that I had run and knew how hard they were. I picked runner #8- it seemed like the best match for me (especially because every other runner had straight up-hill runs), one fairly flat run, one down hill run and one gradual uphill run for a total of 15.9 miles.

How do you train for something like Ragnar? You don't! Unless you want to go 36+ hours without sleep, run 3 times- once in the middle of the night the other two times in 85* heat, eat what you can eat out of the back of a van and in between times hang out in a vehicle with 6 other sweaty people. I was already training for a 1/2 marathon, I kept up with that training. I ran hills and up the canyon, I ran miles, I even ran 2x/day a few times, I ran with a head lamp on. I tried, but in truth, I felt so unprepared!

I saw this quote on Facebook and it seemed to sum up exactly how I feel about running, but especially how I felt about my experience with Ragnar.



Team "Damn Kids" Members:
Van 1: Leslie, Ryan, Austin, Marie, Dave, Jim
Van 2: Jared, Stephanie, Sara, Jamie, Steve, Doug
Support: Brian, Carol, Tim


Our team's start time was scheduled for 6:45 from the University Track. I knew that I wanted this to be all about the experience so Doug and I got up (I actually woke up at 3am, nice way to start the weekend!) and cheered for Leslie as she left the starting line. I'm glad we were there, that was cool- there were about 20-25 teams that started together and they read off each team name. There were swarms of people and great decorated vans.
 Leslie on her first leg, by First Dam
Ryan finishing his first leg.

After that we didn't really have to meet up with van 1 (we were in van 2) until at least 1:00pm in Eden but we did have to deliver our kids to Alesa (thanks Alesa!) and meet up with Sara and Jared and then meet Jamie and Brian and go get our safety training. This first major exchange was fun and crazy and overwhelming all at once. We spent time eating and wandering the booths and having our first of many visits to the Honey Buckets.

Soon Jim (runner 6) came in and Jared (runner 7) took off. I knew I had about 30 minutes to get to our next exchange and be ready to run my first leg. Off we went. This would prove to be the name of the game for the next day and a half- hurry and get to the next exchange before the runner and then wait- all part of the fun!

All too soon, my turn came-  the slap bracelet was slapped on my wrist and all I could think about was how sweaty it was!  This was suppose to be my easiest run, 3.4 miles mostly flat, last mile gradual up hill. This was fine, except we had wind and it was 85*. Yuck! It turned into one of the hardest runs I'd ever run- up until that point. My van was encouraging and supportive and Brian even donated his chapstick to me!


The rest of the van took their turns running Jamie and Sara were rock stars and ran their legs fast! Steve took off and had (what I think) was the hardest run of the whole thing. More than 7 miles up to Snow Basin. He was great and finished looking so strong. By this time, the rest of the van went to clean up and change while I waited with Doug and for Doug. (This proved to be a little bit of a challenge with timing for the next exchange as well too.) Doug's leg was only 2 miles but it was trail running and it was straight up the mountain and straight back down. He did well and finished looking like he actually enjoyed it. He came into his exchange and handed off to Leslie- I was glad that the only two "real" Austin runners were handing off to each other. We hung out at Snow Basin for a while, I changed and we ate at their grill and then went on to East Reservoir.
Jared (it's actually his 3rd leg)
This commute ended up being quite the adventure. Because Steve and Jared were familiar with the area they instructed Brian on how to get there a back way- and avoid all the traffic. It was great avoiding the very long line of traffic, but I thought for sure we were going to get kicked out of the race for going down closed roads and through (temporary) one way roads! But Brian's superior driving skills prevailed and we arrived in one piece and in great time! Brian was an incredible driver and support person- I was grateful we had the extra person, who wasn't a runner. Some people slept here for an hour or two, Doug and I knew we wouldn't be sleeping so we just people watched and visited more of those Honey Buckets.


One of the tricky things about the relay is being where we needed to be, when we needed to be there. I don't know how we would have done it without cell phones and our terrific driver, Brian. We didn't really ever see van 1, other than for a couple of minutes as we handed off, but we sent many, many text messages; "are you on schedule?" "Leslie left at exactly 6:00" etc... 


My second leg was the one I was looking forward to the most, and it didn't disappoint. 7 miles, mostly down hill, only the last 1.5 miles up hill, in the middle of night, 43*. I loved it! I ran every step of that 7 miles- this was a first, usually I have to walk and drink at about 5.5 miles. The run was a road through fields and rolling hills, pitch black except for the light from the cars and the tiny amount our head lamps provided. I was still slower than I was hoping to be, but I had a lot of fun and enjoyed watching the stars and picking out constellations.

Doug had his first 7.5 mile run, at least it was cool because the rest of it looked tough. When I jumped out to check on him, he said he was great, just taking a walk break. I was so worried about him- he'd only had 1 six mile run, the rest were short. But he's a trooper and did great!

We waited at Oakley Fair Grounds- the others slept and ate, I waited for Doug to come in. I saw the first van and even visited with Marie for a minute, but when Doug actually came in I couldn't see Leslie. Just as I yelled; "I hope Leslie is down there (meaning at the end of the chute)" she came running up from the Honey Pots- "I'm here! I'm here!" I loved watching Doug hand off to his sister. I'm so glad this was an experience they were able to share, even if it was only a 2 second experience.

It was about 6:30am (I think). It was decided that we'd just try to sleep for a couple of hours at the fair grounds. Everyone else slept (except maybe Brian) but we'd laid out our sleeping bags on the grass and every time I'd be just about asleep someone would walk by talking and I'd jerk awake. Plus I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time and have time to change and be ready to go. Ugh! Sometimes I hate that I have to be prepared so early- that would be nice to let go of sometimes!

After Brian got us all up and moving we went to a school (I have no idea of it's name, but I think it was in Heber). We waited here for Jim to come in. I was nervous at this point because I knew this coming leg was my hardest. 5.5 miles all "gradual" up hill. It was in the middle of the day and HOT!

As a side note, it was fun to run into people that I knew. Some I hadn't seen for years (Natalie & Lorraine) and others I see almost daily (Leigh, Holly H, Heidi...). Holly Haguewood was running as an ultra team. That means they only have 6 on their team. I saw her a couple of times and she always looked amazing! I saw her at this school and she'd just finished her last leg and didn't even look tired! I also was getting texts from some of my friends who were running it also. It was fun to keep up with them. I was also texting with Mindy, Alesa and Holly it was fun to feel their support too! What a lucky girl I am!
Waiting to start my 3rd leg

My last leg, and really this is a life changer for me. I knew that my quads felt a little tight but I was surprised how good they actually felt, until I started running. There was one spot on my left quad that every time I would hit the ground with that foot I would feel like it was ripping. It wasn't too long before I had to start walking 100 steps and running 150. Luckily my van came by and I told Doug to get me my "Muscle Mist" (it's a miracle essential oil spray). He and Steve met me on the side of the road a little way up with the mist, water to drink and water to spray. Carol and Tim were also driving along and supporting for this whole time. The mist saved my leg but never totally took the pain away (I'm not sure what caused this, but I am still dealing with this pain, but not too intensely anymore). Carol and Doug met me a little while later and gave me water and sprayed me with water then walked a while with me- I've never been so grateful to see orange shirts! I was so grateful for their support and so disappointed in myself. They left and I carried on, the thoughts started going through my mind doubting my ability to finish. I had to tell myself that I had never quit a hard exercise session before and I sure as heck wouldn't be quitting this one. I had to remind myself of that resolve many times over the next few miles- sometimes my pure stubbornness does come in handy!

A little bit later (I have no idea how many miles, minutes or hours it was) I saw an orange shirt walking toward me. I was so happy and worried at the same time. I thought it was Brian and I thought he was coming to finish my run because they had given up on me. I wouldn't have blamed them, but I should have had more faith in my team and my husband (because he told them I'd punch them if they even suggested I quit)! When he got closer I could tell it was Tim. He had a bottle of water- the best bottle of water I've ever seen! :) Tim told me he was there to finish with me. He walked and encouraged me to run when I could (which wasn't very often). There were wonderful neighborhood people out along the roads with sprayers and hoses soaking us down. I was so grateful! (Except when my skirt started falling from being so wet!) Tim kept me hydrated, kept me wet and talked to me- which was the best- he kept my mind off what I was doing. All this time there were the same support vans that would pass and then, we'd pass them, then they would pass us. They were there to support their team mate, but also so supportive of me. They'd offer water and spray and just cheer me on. It was also fun because (in honor of Blaine) we'd put "will run for (chocolate) ice cream" on the back of our shirts, everyone who passed me (who were a whole bunch) would comment on it. I also heard a few cheers from other vans- even saying my name- I later found out they were some people from my ward. With a little over 1 mile to go Doug showed up. I love that man! He came and held my hand and helped me finish that terrible last mile! At about .75 miles left there was a big hill, I knew it was there from studying the maps, but I'd forgotten. It was about the same as the hill coming out of Black Smith Fork Canyon. My mind was unprepared. I actually got tears in my eyes and I truly think that if Doug and Tim wouldn't have been there I would have seriously sat down and cried. They both took a hand and marched me up that hill. At the top Doug started telling me about how it ended. He helped me know where to start running so I could finish running. (He knows that I firmly believe that even if you walk the entire race you want to finish strong and run through the finish line- he knows me so well!) Finally, we got to the driveway to the Homestead and I started running, it was quite challenging when I got into the area and they told me I had to turn and run up the little grass hill. But I did it and I've never been so glad to get rid of a little orange bracelet as I was right then!
Just before finishing my 3rd leg. Love those guys in orange!
Btw, the orange flags had to be used whenever a non-runner was crossing the road.

I felt defeated! I was frustrated! It had bothered me for months that I would be the weak link on our team. I knew then that there was no question- I was. But our van was SO great! They cheered for me, encouraged me and congratulated me for finishing. They even commiserated on the difficulty of the leg! Thanks guys!

Jamie, Sara and Steve went on to run the next 3 legs- probably about the hardest of the whole race. Jamie and Sara each had to climb up Guardsman Pass- each climbed 1700 feet in 3-4 miles. Ouch! Even our vehicle overheated as we went up. You can imagine how the runners felt! Steve finished the last little bit of that mountain and then had a grueling downhill (1700 feet down). Don't forget it was about 90* during this time.
 Going up "Ragnar Hill", I wish these pictures showed the true scope of this mountain. 
These girls are amazing!



Doug had his final leg coming up, he was our final runner. He took off with a smile of his face and determination in his step. (He was going to need both!) 

I love these 2 pictures! Ragnar summed up in a picture! 
That pink towel he is carrying is the coolest (literally) thing ever! When wet it is sort of gelly and stays cool. Doug ended up tucking it inside his shirt and would rewet it whenever he would stop for water- he thinks it saved him. It's called a "Chilly Towel"

We got in Carol's truck and she took us to her hotel where we walked over to Park City High School to wait at the finish line. During this time I drank a bunch of smoothies, water and (at least) 3 power ades- all provided at the finish line "party". I also bought a Ragnar logo charm for my necklace- I was so excited!

The finish line is a funny place. You have to estimate when your runner is going to be there, then you are given about a 30 second warning that your runner is coming in. So, we sat close to the finish and watched the teams cross the finish. It was amazing! The last runner would come and the rest of the team would quickly join them on the track to run the last 100 feet (or so) with them. It was inspiring to watch the teams. Some were there with just the 12 of them. Others had their families (all in matching shirts) join them to cross the finish line. I was touched by this- I knew, from my experience, that it wasn't just those 12 people who made it possible to cross that line. It was Carol and Tim who provided the opportunity and then supported and cheered and walked with us all along the way. It was Leslie who organized and gave us tips and put up with my constant questions. It was Doug who gave me time to run. It was Alesa who was watching my 4 kids (and taking 6 kids to Lagoon by herself) so that we could experience this. It was the constant support, encouragement, phone calls and texts from my friends. It was Blaine, his influence was with us the whole time. And it was our team- the positive attitudes, the laughs, the no sleep, the sharing of these experiences will forever bond me to these people. I'm also SOOOO grateful that I had this opportunity with Doug, my relationship and attitude will forever be different toward him because of this. It was amazing to go through something so hard and so rewarding together and every time we do our relationship grows stronger!
Our team crossing the finish line together. Took us 35 hours 15 mins.

My post on Facebook the next day quickly sums up my feelings.
"Amazing, is the only word I can use. Had one my favorite runs I've ever had in my life. One of the hardest runs I've ever had- wouldn't have made it without Doug & Tim, almost sat down & cried. Went without sleep for more than 40 hours. Finished 15.9 miles (can't say I ran them). Made new friends, got to know others better. Used too many Honey Pots (and learned the history behind them). Fell in love with the running community again-amazing people! I think I will go cry now. Simply amazing!"
Our team at the finish line! What a feeling!


These were some of the funny comments Jamie recorded on Facebook:
Sara- "Kamas middle school?- We have to go to Provo?!"
Sara - "Do you put the headlight on your head?"
Steve - "Wicked!"
Jamie - "DON'T FOLLOW ME!!!"
Steph: (after completing her second leg) "That was amazing!"
Doug: "Do you know the history of the Honey Bucket? Well let me tell you..."
Brian "Let me check my clipboard..."

Ragnar Wasatch Back was an absolutely AMAZING experience. One that will forever change my life, I'm sure. It reminded me that I can do hard things. Since then whenever I'm out on a run and want to walk I'll think "I can do this, I did Ragnar". I'm proud to have that sticker on my van- it kind of makes me feel like I belong to an elite club. I love to see others in the Ragnar shirt and know that I've endured/enjoyed that experience with them. I loved being in the "running community" for that time! I've always thought that "real" runners would think I was too fat and slow to be a part of them. I've never actually experienced that. In fact, it's the opposite, runners are supportive and encouraging. And I've never felt it as much as I did during Ragnar. There were people of all sexes, sizes and ages and all of us belonged!

I was really worried about the lack of sleep, but that wasn't such an issue. I woke up at 3:00am on Friday morning and didn't really sleep again (other than 5 minute dozes) until 10:30 Saturday night, but it was ok. I really didn't feel that fatigued. The heat was a KILLER! And when I think about doing it again that is the one thing that makes me not want to do it. But will I do it again? Absolutely!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

I am running Ragnar this weekend. I hope this is not the last post I ever make on this blog. :)

I did survive a 1/2 marathon, so maybe I'll be ok.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

It's that time of year again, time for our city's annual children's theater. This is an amazing adventure! Two weeks of craziness! This year Katie, Maddie and Bevan were all in it so it seemed even crazier than normal. But the kids love it! And I love that they get to have such fun experiences. This year it was Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
Maddie was "Flying Time"

Katie was part of the royalty with the Queen of Hearts. She even got to play croquet with flamingos.
Do you play croquet?

Bevan as an oyster with Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum. His face is white because he's suppose to be a pearl. :)

Our stars!

On the stage.




This Is The Place!

Every year the 4th graders (throughout most of Utah- I think) do a Utah program. It is one of my very favorite reasons to go to school! They spend the year learning fun songs and actions that teach them the history of Utah. Then the parents and some of the school get to go watch them perform. It is so fun! And always gets me choked up, I love this state of ours!



Maddie is there in the blue bonnet. They were to dress up like pioneers, native Americans, Mountain Men or wear Utah State attire. Maddie chose a pioneer and she got to wear her Great-grandma Jones' bonnet and apron.

Waiting to say her part.


Saying her part. "Because they were industrious they soon became the manufacturing and agricultural center of the west." Pretty big words for a 10 year old.


 Receiving her Great Utahn Award. This award was a lot of work! She had to read 29 books- from different genres, all at least 100 pages, memorize location and write in cursive 29 counties, 29 rocks & minerals, 29 land marks and do 29 math timings. Maddie worked hard for this! I'm so proud of her!


Everyone in Maddie's class who earned Great Utahn Award.