Maddie's Guitar Recital

Last night was Maddie's guitar recital. It was so fun! I was really nervous for her, but she did a great job. Every student played one kind of "classical" piece and then another piece with singing. The older kids sang their own words and the teachers sang for the younger kids. It was really fun! Maddie played "Beck's Blues" written by Mike Christiansen (our neighbor, the one she stalked) she also played "Incey, Wincey Ghost Spider" I actually really like this version, kind of a "bluesy" "Incey, Wincey Spider". We are really proud of her!

I'll post pictures- when I can figure out how to get them off of my cell phone!

Me

Dumb title, didn't know what else to call it! I promise, one day this blog will have pictures and be about something else, but right now this is our life.

We have had much support. I'm amazed at the friends coming out of the woodwork through e-mails and phone calls, etc... Your comments on my blog really help too. Thank you!

Today I've struggled with the physical part of this. Unfortunately I still have all the post delivery "stuff" that a woman has to endure (no tearing so it is a little bit easier). So, the problem is this- I don't feel that well but I am going absolutely crazy with my mind having nothing to do. So today I tried to deep clean my bathroom- hasn't been done in 4 months (poor Doug, he tried to keep up with everything...) I got about 1/2 done and I was "done". Tons of cramping, etc... Ugh! So frustrating! I've realized that is how I've made it through the other deaths I've had to deal with, keeping myself busy, but I can't do that now. I also realized with a normal delivery I would have still been in the hospital, not cleaning bathrooms or going to mortuaries or any of those fun things. So, patience, with myself, is what I'm learning today. I guess I'm not that patient with myself, I expect a lot and can usually pull it off but I guess learning humility is another lesson...

I'm also still having the kidney issue. I guess part of me was hoping that it would all pass too. I called the urologist and that about did me in. That's not what I am suppose to be doing today, I'm not suppose to deal with that for another few months. I guess that's all part of our "new normal."

Graveside Service

We can make one decision per day. And yesterday we decided that the graveside service would be Saturday at 11:00 here in our town's cemetery. (Unless our Bishop says it's a problem - doubt that will happen.) Anyone is invited, no one is expected. We will not be offended, disappointed, etc... We understand lives are busy. We will be burying him on top of my dad's grave. It saves us money and it is a little comforting. Maddie asked us to make sure he was buried close so this seems like the perfect situation.

We have decided to name our little boy Steven Max. Friday night we asked the girls what names they liked for a boy and a girl and Katie said "Steven" and Maddie said "Max" so that's his name.

We are all doing fairly well. Sometimes we are so strong and sometimes the tears just come. We need to find a "new normal" and we are working on that. The girls are doing really well, we've tried so hard to keep their lives normal and it seems to be working. Of course, Katie's having a little bit harder time than Maddie but she's doing well.

Testimony

This is hard, it really is. But, I feel I need to share my testimony while I can still voice it.

First of all, I know that thanks to a temple marriage and the blessings we receive there; FAMILIES ARE FOREVER. This is my truth. I've held on to this knowledge since the day my dad died and now am holding on to it even stronger. Who else would I want to be with forever besides my darling, caring, loving husband, my beautiful children and my mom, dad, siblings and in-laws. I love them so much now why won't that love grow even stronger into eternity.

I believe that we all started as spirits who have gained bodies and then leave them upon death and continue growing and learning until one day we are resurrected and can regain our bodies. We will all have that blessing and if we live right, and do the best we can, be reunited as family and friends.

I know we have a Heavenly Father who loves us. He is continually watching out for us and all things are in His hands. We don't understand all that happens and why it happens and that's OK. One day we probably will. We know that we have to submit to His will. He will never leave us. We will be compensated for the tears and loss we feel here on earth.

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those that love the Lord will be added unto them in his own way. While it may not come at a time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." -Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

I know that through Jesus Christ all of this is possible. He is truly our Savior and our friend!

If you want to know why I believe these things and many more wonderful truths please feel free to contact me and/or see this web site: www.mormon.org

Sunday, 10:38 p.m. Update

We are home. At 6:30 p.m. we delivered a tiny baby boy. He is very loved and already very missed. We were surrounded by love. We will post more when we can. Thank you for your support we felt the strength that came from your prayers.

Sunday, 5:00 p.m. Update

34 hours into it. Not much happening. Still taking the pills every 4 hours. I've taken 2 doses of Phenternel (sp?) - pain meds, just when I needed to sleep. I don't like the way it makes me feel. I refuse an epidural- those things are evil (for me)! Anne (Dr.) has put in a "foley cath" in it is in my uterus to help open up my cervix (I think it gives extra weight to help it open). I was checked at 2:00 and was a "2" and 90% effaced. We've walked every hall close by and even ventured outside for a few minutes- it was cold but refreshing. The walls have beautiful quilts framed and hanging on them. There is one that is so beautiful I might just steal it. Ironically one of my neighbors helped make it.

Sunday, 9:00 a.m. Update

Well, we're past the 24 hour mark - that means we're over 1/2 way, right? Who really knows... I didn't get my pills on time. Yesterday there was no one here delivering babies, last night all but 1 room filled up. Our nurse was busy! It was ok because it actually gave me the chance to sleep another couple of hours. Part of me just really wants to keep the baby where it is, at least there it's mine. I could even become one of those delusional ladies who thinks they're pregnant forever. (Ok, I really don't think that would happen.) I guess next week we will be doing a graveside service...